Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
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he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
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Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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