You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize