i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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