Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
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recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
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I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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