I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
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