3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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