yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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