I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
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