My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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