Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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