Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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