I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
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I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
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And then the night went full on bisexual.
We need to get me chipped asap
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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