I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
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I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
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Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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