I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
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it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
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I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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