i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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