I cannot find my penis.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
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Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
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Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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