hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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