i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
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There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
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Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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