we're chasing vodka with high fives
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
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After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
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Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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