he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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