I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
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"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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