i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize