my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize