Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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