i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
MIDGETS
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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