i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize