I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
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He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
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He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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