She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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