i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize