bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Do you still have your period?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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