Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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