# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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