nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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