I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize