She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
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If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
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Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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