your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
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He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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