In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize