then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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