Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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