Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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