i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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