There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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