let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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