I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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