i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
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We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
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Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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