Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
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Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
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Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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