True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
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Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
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Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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