note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize