Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize