I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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