Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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